Sunday, February 06, 2005

Maybe i am just lonely @ 6:52:00 PM

Thinking about love. I don't know if he is still waiting for me. But if he does, i am sure glad to inform him dat i am willing to accept. Don't know when did i fall for him...Maybe it's what he had said. "You will never like me. You can't like someone." It hurt deeply. It's not that i didn't try. I am sorry but to admit that i am an escapist. I escape from things that hurt. Love. One thing that i would never touch. Maybe i am afraid of disappointment? I am scared by things i don;t know. Afraid that he would just leave me unknowingly. I don't like to be alone. I love company and i love him. Why give up on him? I want to tell him how much i love him but didn't dare too. Maybe i am just a coward?

To gary, i didn't like him at all. I was just trying to prove that i have the ability to like someone. I knew that he would never love me and thus gave it all out to show my love and appreciation. I knew that it wouldn't work......thus i dared to take the step forward. I don't feel anything to him at all. I treated him like a pure buddy and not the one i would spend my whole life with. Nothing he said made me hurt......when i heard he loved caryn, i was deeply hurt. But it didn't last for long. Why it wasn't because i loved him and felt devastated. But i was because i didn't like her. And thus felt that he betrayed me. I wasted 4 years. Trying to prove something that wasn't there. Now, how? he tried 4 times on me and what have i done? i pushed him aside, treated him for granted and ignored me. How damned evil. What if it was me?

Just wanna let you know how much i like you. I'm so sorry that i have hurt you. Sorry......

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Maybe i am just lonely @ 6:52:00 PM

Thinking about love. I don't know if he is still waiting for me. But if he does, i am sure glad to inform him dat i am willing to accept. Don't know when did i fall for him...Maybe it's what he had said. "You will never like me. You can't like someone." It hurt deeply. It's not that i didn't try. I am sorry but to admit that i am an escapist. I escape from things that hurt. Love. One thing that i would never touch. Maybe i am afraid of disappointment? I am scared by things i don;t know. Afraid that he would just leave me unknowingly. I don't like to be alone. I love company and i love him. Why give up on him? I want to tell him how much i love him but didn't dare too. Maybe i am just a coward?

To gary, i didn't like him at all. I was just trying to prove that i have the ability to like someone. I knew that he would never love me and thus gave it all out to show my love and appreciation. I knew that it wouldn't work......thus i dared to take the step forward. I don't feel anything to him at all. I treated him like a pure buddy and not the one i would spend my whole life with. Nothing he said made me hurt......when i heard he loved caryn, i was deeply hurt. But it didn't last for long. Why it wasn't because i loved him and felt devastated. But i was because i didn't like her. And thus felt that he betrayed me. I wasted 4 years. Trying to prove something that wasn't there. Now, how? he tried 4 times on me and what have i done? i pushed him aside, treated him for granted and ignored me. How damned evil. What if it was me?

Just wanna let you know how much i like you. I'm so sorry that i have hurt you. Sorry......